The planet has completed another rotation around the sun. 2017 has largely a year of exploration in the sense of relationships for me, both in terms of friendships and intimate relationships. My blog is three years old now as well (not exactly to the day).
I sit here writing from a coffee shop in Uptown Minneapolis. It is -8 F and winter is in full swing. Noses dripping, stuck with cabin fever, wearing plenty of layers. You know, a good ol’ Minnesotan winter. I knew what I was getting myself into I suppose. A part of me wishes I was in Oaxaca, Mexico where I sat three years ago ringing in the New Year when I created this blog, spirit soaring with the possibilities of travel, head lost in wanderlust. I miss the warm. I hung up posters of gardens in my apartment last night in something of a frenzy as a reminder that spring is out there.
I began this year by ending a long term relationship that I was in. He wanted children, I didn’t. He was craving a white picket fence life in suburbia, I wanted something beyond that. During this year, I became more comfortable with who I was as a person through exploring creative venues- dancing, yoga, meditation, and then exploring my sexuality. I became comfortable with who I was as a person, with my body. I shed some of my former insecurities about body image and worrying about what people thought about me and who I loved. I came out as pansexual in the spring to people I was close to, and eventually I came out over Facebook (during late summer) and to the larger world.
I created and cultivated strong and lasting relationships with three wonderful people. Our friend group, though now scattered across states, has bonds that hold us tight despite distance. Yazmín, my good friend and dance teacher brought us together largely through a yolasalsa (yoga/salsa fusion) class that she taught. From here, I met Gene and Becca. The three of us met through dance, started going to coffee shops together, and then we began to spend time at each other’s houses in the summer and on the beach having bonfires and talking at length about life, love, and loss.
We bonded through the fires we shared together, through our commonalities and differences. How even though we walk different paths, they overlap in our desire for friendship, community, love, and respect. For a while, I was here in Minneapolis, Becca was back in Wisconsin, Yazmín was in Cuba for a bit, and Gene was in Arizona. Yazmín will be hitting the road and traveling cross country soon. Every now and again, we get to meet up and reconnect and I find my soul soaring with happiness.
I’m finding myself more grounded now in terms of adulthood. For the second half of this year, I have been trying to create more financial stability and grow as adult. I haven’t been able to develop as many relationships during this period and I feel my spiritual growth has been a bit hindered, but I’m trying now to find a balance between my work life and the other aspects of me which have been getting a bit neglected as of late. I’ve been working at Planned Parenthood for about 4.5 months. I can see the impact I have in people’s lives and I realize the work I do is good work. It is rewarding and exhausting and worth it at the end of the day.
I went on several dates with women after moving to the Twin Cities. I kept myself open to meeting new people and being realistic with my expectations. In October, I was fortunate enough to meet Scotty; a strong, beautiful, intelligent, rebellious trans woman who is training to become a therapist. We went on a few dates and the connection we made came naturally. I admire her strength and tenderness, her kinesthetic skills and bubbly personality, the fact that she wears her heart on her sleeve and blushes whenever I compliment her. My heart feels so full with her and I feel we balance each other out well.
My goals for 2018 are to continue to build financial stability while also working on finding a balance again. I want to explore the Twin Cities and forge friendships with more people in the Minneapolis area. I’ll admit I’m not entirely sure how to go about that. I don’t have Wifi at my apartment and so I can’t meet people online very easily. How does a person make friendships as an adult I sometimes wonder when everyone is so busy with work and relationships, family and other obligations? I hope I can begin dancing again and make people that way. I would also like to find myself a place within the queer community in some form, though I’m unsure what shape that will take just yet.
As always, here’s to being our most authentic selves. I hope the New Year will bring you plenty of light, love, and new opportunities, even when the world feels heavy and dark and sometimes it’s hard to see the good in the world. Hoping the best for you this new year and always.